Culture Clash

(August 2008)

The Shame Game

Embarrassed by Play

“Some people come in for trouble with Internet porn. But the computer gamers tend to be harder to treat. People feel a lot of shame around computer games. Whereas it's socially acceptable to have a porn problem.” -- Dr. Jerald Block, Boston Globe interview, June 2008

Dr. Jerald Block is a good friend to the games industry, known best for his measured and eloquent analysis of a possible alternative role played by videogames in the Columbine massacre. The above quote may seem surprising at first blush; I mean, is it socially acceptable to have a porn problem? Dr. Block's comment was made in reference to addiction, more precisely to MMO addiction, which certainly has the potential to be one of the most embarrassing for sufferers. MMOs are strange and unnatural to those who have no experience with them. In addition to being alien to nongamers, they're also complex, so explaining them – and, by extension, the impetus for the fascination – is a significant challenge. Porn is not so alien nor so complex, and is accepted, if not always acceptable.

What kind of porn are we talking about here, though? People porn or goat porn? Pornography, like videogames and Skittles, comes in a wide selection of flavors, some more shameful than others. But Dr. Block didn't say there's a lot of shame around MMOs, he said there's shame around games in general. It's not at all unusual for serious gamers to be embarrassed by their hobby. Embarrassment, though, is a symptom. Shame is different.

It's defined as “the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable.” Shame begets itself: we are ashamed of those things that shame us, and as it happens, game play can be a source of shame.

The other thing about shame is that it's a solitary, self-actualized sensation. To be embarrassed you need other people. Shame, like regret, is a lonely, private thing. No one else actually needs to know what you've done for you to feel shame about it. Again referring back to the porn connection, Puritanical western culture has always associated sexuality with shame, maybe because sex feels good and you're not supposed to feel good, you're supposed to feel miserable and guilt-ridden… ashamed and regretful, so to speak. Games also make us feel good, hence the parallel.

For patients on the therapy couch, who are presumably there to receive treatment for a systemic overuse of games, the issue of shame makes sense. Alcoholics are also ashamed, though maybe not as much. Outside the doctor's office it's a little more nuanced: assuming game addiction is legitimate at all, one need not be addicted to videogames to feel ashamed of playing them. Obsessed or not, gamers who are ashamed of their hobby are generally only ashamed under certain circumstances or in the company of certain people. It's not universal.

But it is real, this game shame, and it makes no sense. Where does it come from? Why is it that game playing somehow warrants more opprobrium than other pastimes? Many theories have been posited, and honestly it's probably a combination of several. “Games” are seen as childish and ashamed gamers are generally adults. Gaming is perceived as time that could be better spent. Videogames are a new medium and still suffer accusations of vapidity compared other entertainments. And popular culture presents gamers in a humiliating way: geeky, sun-shy, socially awkward. No one wants to be associated with such attributes, so gamers are arguably ashamed of their hobby because they don't want to be seen by outsiders as sharing company with a stigmatized and self-selecting group.

Other hobbies have their share of geeky, sun-shy and socially awkward people, but gaming undoubtedly skews more toward that segment. The why of this is interesting; personally I think it's the inherent fantastical escapism offered by games that attracts so many who are uncomfortable in their own skin. Games allow the player to exit this world, this place that fits them so poorly, and go to a place where they are special, important, and admired; a place that frankly feels much more like home. Comic books and tabletop roleplaying have similar capability, and you see similar demographics in their consumption.

I don't mean to imply that all gamers are losers or even that all gamers are ashamed of the hobby; but there is no question that some are. It is difficult, even now 30 years out from the invention of the modern videogame, to put aside the disquieting notion that serious gamers should really be getting on with something more important. This sensation will probably diminish in time, because eventually there will be no “gamer” segment; everyone will be a gamer, and the medium itself will be much broader. For right now, games are generally perceived as technology rather than a source of expression, and the shame associated with playing them also stems from that. There is no shame in avidly consuming art, but simply gobbling technology is viewed by some as a waste of time.

The games industry and its peripheral moons are not great at reducing the perception of gaming as an ignominious pastime. From magazine covers to stuff like Attack of the Show and the Frag Dolls, it all adds fuel to the fire of shame. These things don't make gaming seem “cool” or “edgy,” they make it and those involved with it appear puerile, buffoonish… or, if you prefer, geeky, sun-shy, and socially awkward. It would be preferable for the industry and its output to directly contradict the implication that gaming is immature. Whether talking about supposed MMO addiction or simple gaming hobbyism, it's stupid, in this day and age, to feel ashamed of it. And yet for many gamers, that shame is a part of life, despite all they do to ignore or supress it. The most resonant aspect of Dr. Block's remark isn't that gamers tend to feel more shame than porn addicts, but that porn is okay and gaming still isn't.